Yesterday Was Hard On All Of Us
by Vindicata
Summary: What if the secret that Shawn is a fake psychic isn't the whole story? What if the truth is so much more complicated than they ever realized? When a case takes a strange turn, Shawn faces a difficult decision while his friends and family struggle to come to terms with the secret behind the secret.
1. ONE: The secret behind the secret

**A/N:** This story is also on PsychFic . com under the same pen name. I'm not really going to write author's note on FFN so you may want to check out PF. Also, there's a very cool title banner for this story on there.

EDIT: Wth is with FFN that I have to do a full line break thing for section breaks? It gets rid of any other line I do. ARGH.

**Inspiration Music: **"Yesterday Was Hard On All Of Us" by Fink

* * *

- **ONE: The secret behind the secret** -

"A psychic, Shawn? Really?"

Shawn gave Karen a sheepish look as she she stared him down, one eyebrow raised. He shrugged.

"I didn't want to be arrested..."

"You and I both know Lassiter couldn't have done that."

Shawn shifted uncomfortably.

"Okay, so maybe I didn't want him to know _why_ he couldn't arrest me?" Shawn tried. Karen sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"And it has be a secret because..."

"Karen, you _know_ why," Shawn said seriously, giving her a hard look. Karen rubbed her eyes wearily. Yes, she did know, unfortunately.

"I understand _that_, I just don't understand why you're calling in tips after going through so much effort to leave it behind you."

Shawn thought for a moment before speaking quietly,

"I guess I can never really stop. It's in my blood, you know." He gave a dry chuckle and Karen smiled softly. "So where do we go from here?"

"I have an idea," Karen said slowly, thinking. "I'll have to run it by Nick."

Shawn nodded, getting the idea. He stood and headed for the door.

"Mr. Spencer." Shawn turned back to look at Karen, one hand on the knob. She gave him a stern look. "For all intents and purposes, you are a civilian and will only have the protections offered to any regular citizen..."

"Unless it comes to that," she finished when Shawn raised his eyebrows. "Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," Shawn replied seriously, then grinned cheekily when Karen scowled at the term. He bounded out the door, anxious to begin again.

* * *

**Six years later...**

"...anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as I've explained them to you?" Lassiter finished tersely, releasing pressure on the man's back after the handcuffs were on, allowing him to straighten again.

"Yeah, Lassie..." Shawn sighed wearily, meeting Lassiter's eyes with a dull look. Lassiter scowled back, glancing nervously towards his partner as he escorted Shawn to the back of the car and 'helped' the cuffed man into the backseat.

"McNab!" Lassiter barked, causing the stunned officer to jump.

"Y-yes, sir?" Buzz stuttered, peering owlishly past the head detective's shoulder to where Shawn sat quietly in the backseat. Lassiter cleared his throat, drawing his attention back.

"Take O'Hara and Guster back with you to the station, I'll handle Spencer," Lassiter ordered him quietly. The taller man nodded and headed over to where the badly shaken detective was comforting Gus. Lassiter gave them a long look before getting into his car and starting it.

Glancing at Shawn through the rearview mirror, Lassiter sighed as he drove them back to the station, neither saying a word throughout the ride. Their arrival was met with shock, startled glances and murmurs following them as Lassiter roughly marched Shawn through the station.

"Detective," Karen said sternly. Both Shawn and Lassiter turned to look at her, the elder frowning when he noticed her gaze was locked with Shawn's. After a moment, she looked to Lassiter. "My office, now."

Shawn hesitated, sighed, then trudged into the office, Lassiter's grip tight on his arm. As soon as the door was closed, Karen turned from where she had closed the last set of blinds in the office, leaving them in privacy.

"You can release Mr. Spencer," Karen said tiredly. After Lassiter reluctantly let go of him, Shawn shrugged his shoulders and gave her a look. A short, silent exchange later, Karen sighed and instructed Lassiter to remove the handcuffs.

"Excuse me?" Lassiter sputtered. "Spencer is under arrest for assault with a deadly weapon."

Karen gave Shawn a cool look, her eyebrows raised. He tilted his head toward Lassiter then shook his head. She inclined her head slightly in understanding.

"Mr. Spencer will explain the circumstances himself," Karen gave Lassiter a hard look. "But first, remove the handcuffs."

Lassiter grumbled under his breath and moved to undo the cuffs. Shawn rubbed his aggrieved wrists, stepping away from the other man.

"Thank you, you may leave now, detective," Karen told Lassiter sternly. Lassiter glared mutely at Shawn then walked out of the office angrily, shutting the door hard behind him. Karen sighed and motioned for Shawn to sit down, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"An ADW, Shawn?"

Shawn blew out a breath.

"It wasn't..." he started lamely, "Yeah."

"Care to explain?"

"Novich was about to remote detonate a bomb using a burn phone, I pulled my weapon and tried to talk him down," Shawn recounted in an automatic drone.

"Why weren't O'Hara and Lassiter with you?"

"I was going off a hunch, once I had enough for a confirmation, I had Gus call them while I went to stop Novich. The three of them showed up when I resorted to informing Novich that I'd shoot him before he hit send."

Karen groaned.

"I take it that you didn't identify yourself to Novich," she stated.

"Which-"

Karen gave him a look; Shawn shook his head.

"He wouldn't have believed me anyway, I didn't have ID."

"But you had your weapon?" Karen asked incredulously, earning a shrug. "Alright, what happened when the others showed up?"

"A whole lot of freaking out about me having a gun," Shawn grumbled before continuing in a tired voice. "They wouldn't listen long enough for me to explain and Novich started to go for the call... so I settled for shooting the phone out of his hand."

Shawn sighed.

"Then all hell broke loose. Lassie tackled me and Novich started to bolt, but I managed to convince Jules enough that she grabbed Novich."

"Did she arrest him?" Karen asked sharply.

"Yeah, the idiot incriminated himself by talking about 'next time' with the bombs. Didn't stop Lassie from arresting me, though," Shawn grimaced, rubbing his wrists again.

"I'm sorry, Karen," he said quietly after a moment, startling the chief. Karen shook her head and smiled sadly at him.

"You did what you had to and we'll deal with the consequences," she told him and picked up the phone, dialing a familiar number. "Honestly, I think this has gone on long enough," she murmured as the phone rang, earning a surprised look from Shawn.

"Nick," Karen said into the phone, meeting Shawn's eyes. "It's Karen. You need to come to Santa Barbara..."

* * *

Lassiter stood up from his desk when the door to the Chief's office opened. He stalked over, his steps slowing slightly as he caught what Shawn murmured to Karen.

"...false bottom of right bottom drawer on my desk."

"I'll send McNab," Karen told him quietly then turned, noticing the head detective not ten feet away. "Put Mr. Spencer in Interview A for the time being. No interrogation, no handcuffs, understood?" Karen ordered Lassiter, who scowled but nodded.

"Where are O'Hara and Guster?" Karen asked abruptly, stopping them as they turned to leave.

"In the conference room writing their statements..." Lassiter said slowly. "Henry Spencer's in there with them." Karen winced and waved Shawn and Lassiter off to the interview room, before tracking down Buzz.

"McNab," she called, beckoning Buzz into a corner where they wouldn't be overheard. The tall officer ambled over, concern on his face.

"What's going on, Chief? Is Shawn okay?" Buzz asked.

"It's complicated, but yes, for the moment, Mr. Spencer is fine," Karen gave him a small reassuring smile before becoming serious again. "I need you to do something."

"Sure, what is it?"

"I need you to go to the Psych office and retrieve something," Karen told him quietly. "In Mr. Spencer's desk, the right bottom drawer has a false bottom. There should be a lockbox underneath. I need you to go get it immediately without telling anyone what you are doing and bring the box directly to me."

Buzz's eyes widened as he nodded sharply. Karen handed Shawn's set of keys and Buzz rushed off. With a sigh, Karen made her way over to the conference room, steeling herself before slipping inside to shut the door behind her.

"What the hell is going on?" Henry bellowed as soon as the door was shut again, stalking over. Karen glared at him.

"Sit down, Henry," she snapped. He refused, crossing his arms. Karen stifled the urge to roll her eyes and glanced to where Gus and Juliet were sitting anxiously, their written statements before them.

"As I'm sure you are all aware," Karen began carefully. "Detective Lassiter arrested Shawn for assault with a deadly weapon..."

"That's not possible," Henry interrupted. "Shawn doesn't own a gun!" Behind him, Juliet and Gus nodded in confirmation. Karen internally groaned, wishing for the first time that Shawn wasn't so damn good at what he did.

"Whatever you believe to be the case," Karen said, ignoring Henry's dark look, "Shawn had a weapon and fired it..."

There was a tense pause.

"Now, the situation is more... complex than I can explain at the moment..." Karen said slowly, three pairs of eyes narrowing in confusion and suspicion. "But I _can_ tell you that the charges will almost assuredly be dropped... though there will be other repercussions."

"What do you mean by 'other repercussions'?" Juliet asked, her voice shaking ever so slightly. Karen hesitated.

"I will let you know more when I can. For the moment, I need all of you to remain here. No one is to speak to Shawn," Karen said quietly, then swept out the door, leaving the stunned group behind her. Returning to her office, she pulled out some forms then headed for the interview room.

"Detective Lassiter," Karen said, stepping into the observation area. The detective glanced at her from where he was watching Shawn in the other room. "Get back to work."

"But-"

"Mr. Spencer is not in any danger of leaving or causing harm to anyone else," Karen said quickly, raising a hand to stop him from arguing. "Now go."

As soon as Lassiter sullenly headed back for his desk, Karen went into the room, setting the forms and a pen on the table in front of Shawn. He looked up then nodded silently, picking up the pen to begin working with a slight grimace on his face.

Buzz intercepted Karen on her way back to her office, handing her the lockbox and Shawn's keys with a curious look. She gave him a curt 'thank you' and disappeared into her office with the items to wait.

* * *

Three pairs of eyes shot to the conference room door when it opened.

"Carlton," Juliet sighed when the familiar salt and pepper head of her partner popped in.

"Chief wants all of us in her office immediately," he informed them brusquely, meeting Henry's glare with a level look. Gus and Juliet stood up from the table and quickly followed Henry and Lassiter out of the conference room to the Chief's office.

"Come in," Karen called when Lassiter knocked on the door.

"Shawn!" Juliet murmured, seeing him standing at one side of the office with a man she didn't recognize. He gave her a small smile but shook his head slightly. As soon as the door shut behind Gus, Shawn looked to Karen.

"You may want to take a seat," Karen informed them. Gus immediately dropped into a seat as Juliet took the other. Lassiter and Henry refused to sit down, both standing tensely, their arms crossed.

"Someone want to explain what is going on and who that is?" Henry bit off, nodding towards the other man. The man held up a hand, cutting off Karen before she could yell at the elder Spencer.

"Captain Nick Breighton, LAPD," the man introduced himself.

"LAPD?" Lassiter muttered, frowning at him. Breighton looked to be in his mid-sixties, his silver hair sporting a buzz cut and his posture stiff and military like, despite the sport coat and slacks.

"What does Shawn have to do with the LAPD?" Gus asked with wide eyes. Shawn avoided his gaze.

"Well, Mr. Guster, a lot," Karen replied with a sigh, garnering looks of surprise. She glanced at Shawn and Breighton, both nodded subtly. "I'd like to begin by stating that all charges against Mr. Spencer will be dropped."

"What?" Lassiter cried. "You can't just bend the rules for Spencer!"

"I am _not_," Karen went on, "the fact is that while I dislike that the situation arose, Shawn acted within the purview of his duties and-"

"What do you mean 'purview of his duties'?" Henry interrupted, concern on his face.

"This is the complicated part," Karen murmured, then continued slowly, "Shawn Spencer has been working undercover on loan from the LAPD for the last six years."

No one moved.

"Y-you mean..?" Gus asked shakily after a moment.

Karen nodded, opening the lockbox to pull out an LAPD badge and ID, setting them on the desk in front of them.

"Detective Shawn Henry Spencer, LAPD," Breighton said.

Juliet gasped.

"It-it's not..." Lassiter murmured, shocked. Henry and Gus stared at Shawn who simply stood there, hands stuffed in his pockets, a tense look on his face.

"Shawn?" Henry asked quietly. Shawn met his eyes and Henry immediately knew it was true.

"I don't understand..." Gus said, brow furrowed, looking from the ID to Karen, Shawn, and Breighton. "If Shawn.. If Shawn is a cop why did he start the whole 'psychic' detective thing?"

Karen and Breighton exchanged a look before turning to Shawn, who drew a deep breath.

"A couple of years before I came back to Santa Barbara, I tried to resign from the LAPD after-" Shawn began softly, speaking for the first time. He shook his head slightly, closing his eyes.

"Anyway, the Captain refused to accept my resignation and put me on extended leave, that's when I was pulled in by Lassie for questioning about the tip I called in... When Lassie threatened to arrest me, I played the psychic card..."

He looked at the floor.

"...I didn't want him to pull my file, so I pretended to be psychic."

"Why the hell-?"

Karen shook her head sharply, cutting off Henry's question.

"When Karen heard about the whole psychic thing, she called the Captain," Shawn continued.

"Spence wouldn't work in LA anymore," Breighton said gruffly, taking over the explanation. "We worked it out so he'd be deep cover here in Santa Barbara, basically a civilian while still being able to operate as a detective if necessary."

"But why?" Lassiter asked incredulously.

"At the time, it was just to get him to keep his damn badge," Breighton snapped, causing Shawn to flush and look away.

"Having someone who can work outside the normal chain of command also allows for more flexibility," Karen placated. "There were a number of quiet internal investigations that Shawn ran for me."

"How did you know about this anyway, Karen?" Henry asked intensely. Shawn cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Karen was the one who cleared up the GTA on my record, allowing me to go to the academy in LA," Shawn murmured. Henry felt a flash of hot shame. "She, uh, kept in touch. When she ended up transferring to LA, she and the Captain were partners for a while..."

"Why did you try to quit?" Juliet asked him softly. Shawn looked to Karen, then Breighton, something akin to panic in his eyes.

"...it's confidential," Karen said slowly, exchanging a look with Breighton.

"So what happens now?" Gus asked after a few tense moments.

"That depends on Shawn," Karen replied. "It's his choice whether to remain undercover, so to speak, or to return to the force openly."

"We could really use you back in LA, Spence," Breighton murmured to him quietly.

"No!" Juliet gasped out, blushing when all eyes turned to her.

"I-I don't know," Shawn stuttered out. "I'll have to think about it."

Karen and Breighton nodded.

"I, uh..." Shawn started, meeting the Captain's eyes.

"Spence and I are going to go have a chat," Breighton said, turning to the group before ushering Shawn past them, his eyes not meeting any of theirs.

* * *

"Here," Breighton said, handing Shawn his gun when they entered the gun range and found it empty. "Ballistics is going to have yours for a few days."

Shawn nodded and grabbed eye protection and a pair of ear plugs then chose a lane. After sending a new target back, he put on the protection, flipped off the safety, took a deep breath and let it out before firing several times. He paused, frowning down at the weapon, then turned to look at Breighton who was leaning back against the wall behind him.

"When was the last time you cleaned this?" Shawn asked. Breighton flummoxed

"You getting smart with me, Spence?"

Shawn shrugged and pressed the button to bring the target back to the front again. Breighton squinted at it and walked over.

"Huh," he muttered, eyeing the terrible spread on the shots.

"That's not me," Shawn told him.

"You sure about that?" Breighton asked carefully. Shawn scowled and slapped the button, sending the target back again. Resuming his stance, he carefully aimed before firing several more times.

"Damn..." he murmured, staring at the target as the reel brought it towards them again. Shawn sighed as he stared at the way the first wild set of shots were now doubled, though not as neatly as usual.

"Spence..." Breighton said softly, laying a hand on Shawn's tense shoulder.

"I can't do it..." Shawn whispered, "I can't-"

"You've been partners with Guster for six years, don't tell me you can't," Breighton replied gruffly. Shawn rolled his eyes.

"Gus has been my best friend since we were _five_. And he's not a cop, so it's not exactly the same thing."

Breighton stared at the target in thought.

"And is it safer for him? Like this?" he finally asked. Shawn inhaled sharply. "Karen says you haven't even been carrying your weapon most of the time. She was _surprised_ you had it today."

He turned to look at Shawn.

"How is that safer for Guster? For _you_?" Breighton asked with a frown. "Or, hell, the detectives that come and bail you out assuming you can't handle yourself?"

"I-" Shawn cut himself off and set the gun down on the shelf before rubbing a hand across his mouth. "I don't know."

"Look, Spence, it's your choice," Breighton said softly. "I know you're happy here and if you were to reveal yourself, there'd be no going back..."

He paused.

"But... I think you miss it, being a cop."

"I still am a cop," Shawn reminded him archly. "Thanks to you."

"Yeah, yeah..." Brighton chuckled. "But you know what I mean."

"Yeah," Shawn murmured, staring blankly at the target.

"...I do."


	2. TWO: Retrospective regurgitations

- **TWO: Retrospective regurgitations** -

His father was waiting for him in the chief's office when he returned.

Shawn hesitated in the doorway before closing the door behind him and going over to the desk. Ignoring the way his father's gaze burned holes in his back, Shawn put his LAPD ID back in the lockbox then picked up his badge. He ran his thumb over it with a sigh before he carefully returned it to the box and closed the lid, locking it.

"Could..." Shawn trailed off, swallowing hard. "Could you..."

"C'mon, I'll give you a ride."

Shawn's head shot up to look at Henry. His father's expression was unreadable. With a jerky nod, Shawn followed his father out of the office, carrying the lockbox. He made sure to grin and wave at Buzz and a few others before he left, letting them know that all was well.

Henry said nothing until they got to the truck.

"You hungry?" he asked simply, glancing at the lockbox on Shawn's lap. Sensing a long talk ahead of them, Shawn nodded. Henry smiled slightly and turned out of the SBPD parking lot, heading for the house.

The car ride was silent, an awkwardness lingering between the two men. Shawn fought the urge to open the door and tuck and roll, if only to get away from it. By the time they pulled up to Henry's house, his skin was crawling but he forced himself to get out of the truck and follow his father inside.

"Beer?" Henry asked, walking into the kitchen. He tossed his keys into a bowl and turned to look at his son. Shawn set his lockbox down on the table and met his father's eyes.

"Let's just get this over with, I know you want to ask," Shawn said tersely. Henry raised his eyebrows and went to the fridge.

"Definitely need the beer..." he muttered, pulling two out. He set one in front of Shawn at the table and unscrewed the cap of his own, taking a swig.

"Seriously, you're starting to freak me out. You're _never_ this relaxed when it comes to anything to do with me," Shawn said staring at Henry like he had grown another head. Rolling his eyes, he leaned against the counter.

"Well..." Henry began, "First I get a call saying that you're being arrested for an ADW... _then_ I'm told that my son, who from the age of 16 has been hellbent on making sure he _never_ goes into law enforcement, actually went to the academy, graduated, and became an officer of the LAPD."

"Detective," Shawn muttered, correcting him. Henry took a deep breath to calm himself before he ended up screaming at his son.

"And not only did he become a _detective_," Henry went on in a disturbingly calm voice. "He's been working undercover for the last six years, without saying a word."

"That's what undercover means, Dad."

"Why didn't you ever tell me, Shawn?" Henry asked, his anger and hurt finally bleeding into his words. Shawn fiddled with the lockbox.

"You arrested me..." he said so softly, Henry almost missed the words.

"You _arrested_ me for borrowing your truck... Grand theft auto, Dad. That pretty much slams the door on any chance of me going to the academy," Shawn hissed, glaring at his father. "After everything you put me through-"

"You didn't even _want _to go to the academy!" Henry shouted at him, no longer able to contain his anger.

"That's- That's not..." Shawn looked out the window, pain clouding his face.

"Didn't you?" Henry whispered, shock settling in as he realized for the first time, he may have misunderstood how his son felt back in highschool.

"After Stan was shot..." Shawn explained in a broken voice, "I hated it. All of it. I hated the police and the academy and you... you most of all... but-" He let out a choked laugh, turning to look at Henry. "When I visited Stan, after he retired because of the paralysis, you know what he said?"

Henry shook his head dumbly, overwhelmed by the raw emotion on his son's face.

"He said that I wasn't mad... he said I was _scared_," Shawn chuckled and rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Stan... just called me on all of it.. all the bullshit. That I was scared about him almost dying, that he'd never walk again, that it could've been _you_ instead..."

Shawn trailed off, turning his head to stare out the window again.

"Then everything went to hell, you and mom fighting. The divorce," he murmured. "And I was so _mad_ at you, I thought it was your fault..." He gave a mirthless chuckle. " 'Course, now I know that it _wasn't_, but... then, I just wanted to get back at you. Make you think I didn't want to go to the academy but..."

"You wanted to go..." Henry whispered, his eyes wide in surprise. Shawn nodded slightly.

"So I went to Karen... she had gone to the academy with one of the instructors out of LA," Shawn explained. "She explained what happened and they had me come down, tested me."

Shawn laughed and looked at his father.

"Dad, you should have _seen_ their faces after they put me through those tests, they practically shit themselves!"

Henry guffawed and the two of them broke down in laughter. After a good minute of laughing, they calmed themselves as Henry sat down heavily in the chair across from Shawn.

"Apparently, you did a pretty good job teaching me," Shawn said dryly, grinning at his father. Henry smiled back wryly.

"So they let you in?" Henry asked.

"Dude, they practically begged me to go!" Shawn exclaimed, earning another chuckle from Henry. A fond smile crossed Shawn's face. "I loved it... the academy... I graduated top of my class, by the way."

"I never knew," Henry said quietly.

"I know," Shawn said remorsefully. "I was still angry about the arrest. I told Karen not to tell you... I'm sorry about that."

"Me too, kid," Henry said rawly. He cleared his throat. "So you joined the LAPD?"

"Yeah, they made me stay on patrol for six months before I hopped up to detective, wanted me to have that perspective first," Shawn rolled his eyes in annoyance as Henry cracked a grin.

"Smart idea," Henry told him as he finally opened his beer and took a swallow.

"Ha! They regretted it at the end," Shawn said triumphantly. "I was helping most of the detectives in my area out by the end of my time on patrol. They'd send me to respond to calls, then I'd solve the case and tell the detectives when they got there. It drove the brass _nuts_."

He chuckled.

" 'Cept the Captain, he always just found it entertaining. I think he was the one who started the pool on how many cases I'd break each week," Shawn told him with a grin. "There were a lot of people disappointed when they finally gave me this." He opened the lockbox and pulled out his detective badge. Shawn held it out for his father to take.

When Henry's eyes misted up as he held the badge, Shawn stood up, distinctly uncomfortable. He went over to the fridge and began rooting through it, looking for sandwich fixings.

"By the way, Dad," Shawn called over his shoulder. "Long term undercover totally does not mean less paperwork."

"Oh yeah?" Henry said, still looking at the badge.

"Yeah," Shawn scoffed bitterly. "It's _more._"

Henry just laughed.

Shawn muttered about the injustice of having more paperwork not less and grabbed anything he might need for a sandwich out of the fridge. Dumping them on the counter, he went to grab a plate.

"So tell me about your partner."

The plate slipped from Shawn's fingers and fell to the counter with a clatter.

"W-what?" he stuttered, picking it up quickly to check for cracks. Henry turned in his seat to look at Shawn, frowning at the tension in his movements.

"Nothing," Henry said, dropping the issue. "Is there any ham there, or did you eat it all the last time you went scavenging?" he asked lightly. Shawn grinned, hiding his relief, and put the last of the ham on his roll.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he told his father innocently.

The rest of their lunch passed with some level of normalcy. Henry asked about the bombing case that they had wrapped up earlier that day. And Shawn told him about the arrest, absently toying with his badge as he finished his beer. Then there had been the customary offer to join Henry on his next fishing trip, followed by the usual sarcastic comment about rather being Jetson'd ("It's _jettisoned_, Shawn") into space.

Shawn was immensely grateful that the subject of his employment didn't come up again until Henry parked the truck outside the Psych office, dropping him off.

"Good luck in there," Henry said wryly, anticipating the interrogation his son was about to be subjected to.

"Don't you think we could just drive around the block one more time?" Shawn whined. Henry chuckled and reached past him to open the door.

"Get out of my truck... or you're going fishing with me tomorrow, five am sharp," he threatened.

Shawn was out of the truck in a flash, standing on the curb and clutching his lockbox as he watched his father drive away. When the truck disappeared around a corner, he finally turned to the door of the Psych office, eyeing it nervously.

"Well... at least they can't hurt me," Shawn muttered, walking up to the door. "Assaulting an officer and all that jazz..."

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and walked into the office, only to stop when two pairs of eyes glared daggers at him.

"Uh, hi Gus... Jules..." Shawn said nervously, skirting around where they sat on the couch to head to his desk.

"Shawn," Gus said sternly, "You have some explaining to do."

"Really Gus?" Shawn said lightly, setting the lockbox down on his desk. "Pulling out the 'I Love Lucy'?"

"Shawn..."

The serious tone of Juliet's voice made Shawn pause. He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before opening the lockbox to pull out the badge and ID again. Shawn went over to the front door, locked it, and flipped the sign to 'closed'. He took a seat in a chair across from Gus and Juliet.

"Alright, go ahead," Shawn said tiredly, wiping a hand over his face.

"How the hell could you keep this from me, Shawn?" Gus exploded. "I mean, I can understand why you couldn't tell Juliet-"

"Gus!" Juliet cried in protest.

"Sorry, Juliet, but you didn't know him before all of this," Gus apologized before glaring at Shawn again. "But me, your _best friend_, Shawn? How could you?"

"I don't know-"

"You don't know?" Gus yelled, incredulous.

"No! I don't know!" Shawn snapped, losing his temper. Gus deflated, taken aback by the outburst.

"Look, man, you remember how things were at the end of high school..." Shawn trailed off, looking away.

Juliet looked from Shawn to Gus, who seemed genuinely remorseful about yelling. From the little Juliet knew about Shawn's high school years and the divorce, it was obvious that it had been a very painful time for everyone, especially Shawn. It really wasn't that hard to understand why Shawn would've taken off on his own for a while.

"Anyway," Shawn cleared his throat before continuing. "When I was in LA things were... complicated. But I should have told you. I'm sorry, man."

Gus looked at the ground for a moment.

"What about the postcards... all those crazy jobs...?" he asked quietly, looking up to meet Shawn's eyes.

"The postcards... were from tourists and people at the bureau," Shawn admitted, "The jobs were real starting with Costa Rica, but before that... stories from people I met in LA."

Gus shot to his feet and began pacing on the other side of the room, muttering to himself. Juliet, despite her own feeling of betrayal, felt bad for them as Shawn watched his best friend, clearly hurting as well.

"The Captain said you were-_are_- a detective?" Juliet asked, changing the subject. Shawn blinked at her in surprise before nodding as he handed the ID and badge to her.

"Yeah, I passed all the requirements right out of the academy, but they made me wait like six months," Shawn said. He jumped when Gus laughed from where he was standing on the other side of the room.

"So all that crap your dad put us through paid off?" Gus asked smiling. Shawn grinned back.

"Dude, the instructors pretty much told me I didn't even _need_ to go to the academy!"

"You know that's right," Gus said proudly, coming over to hold out a fist. Shawn bumped it with his own as Juliet looked from one man to the other in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Both men turned to look at her.

"Huh?"

"What you said," Juliet clarified, "about your dad?"

"Oh," Shawn chuckled. "Dad decided basically when I was in the womb that I'd be the next great Detective Spencer. So from the age of what... six?" Gus nodded. "Dad trained me how to be the perfect cop and detective."

"Yeah, things like how to process a crime scene and how to tell if people were lying," Gus said, sitting back down on the couch. "He even buried Shawn's easter eggs three feet underground."

"Oh my god, that's horrible!" Juliet said, but couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up.

"Thank you!" Shawn exclaimed, then chuckled. "But even after all the crazy stuff he did, I'm kinda glad he did it."

"Shawn, he locked you in the trunk of his car when you were ten to teach you what to do when you're kidnapped," Gus said flatly.

"And it turned out to be really useful!" Shawn defended. "Or do you not remember Garth Longmore taking me for a ride?"

All three grimaced, remembering how terrifying it had been when Shawn had been shot and kidnapped.

"Anyway, it's like the chicken and the hen."

"I think you mean the chicken and the egg, Shawn," Gus automatically corrected.

"I've heard it both ways," Shawn shrugged.

"Back in the chief's office," Juliet said with a frown, "you said you were a psychic so that Carlton wouldn't arrest you?"

Shawn nodded, glancing nervously at Gus.

"So you're not psychic?" Juliet asked, staring at Shawn. He swallowed hard before responding.

"No, I'm not."

Juliet looked at the floor for a moment, taking a few deep breaths, then looked up again.

"How?" she asked plainly, her voice relatively calm. Shawn blinked at her in surprise, expecting a much different reaction.

"I have an eidetic memory..." he replied slowly. "That with Dad training me to be a detective pretty much since birth..."

"Wow..." Juliet murmured. "Really? But you know things..."

"Trust me," Shawn laughed ruefully, "It's nothing supernatural. Next time I do the 'psychic' stuff, I'll show you how I did it, okay?"

"Okay."

"I have to say," Shawn suddenly declared, looking at her in confusion. "This was not really the reaction I was expecting to the whole 'oh hey I'm not really psychic!' thing."

Juliet sighed.

"It's a lot to swallow," she replied softly, the lingering hurt and betrayal shining in her eyes. "Finding out that you're actually a detective from the LAPD despite not being psychic makes it a lot easier... It's going to take time though."

Gus nodded in agreement from his spot at the other side of the couch.

"I really am sorry, guys," Shawn said softly, "I should have told you... undercover or not."

"Yeah, you should have," Gus agreed fiercely before sighing. "What's going to happen now? What about Psych?"

"Nothing at all," Shawn said quickly, causing the other two to raise their eyebrows. "At least for now, until I figure out what to do next." Gus nodded in understanding. "It's been... _suggested_ that I start carrying my weapon more often though. Just for protection."

"Thank god," Gus gushed in relief, earning a chuckle from Shawn. "We have guns pointed at us like once a week, I don't get why you never carried it before!"

"Can you imagine Lassie's face if I just started carrying?" Shawn replied with a roll of his eyes. "Besides, it's a lot harder to keep the cover of a psychic detective if people know I know how to handle a weapon."

Gus snorted.

" '_Handle a weapon_' " he mocked. "I don't think Lassie would give us half as hard a time if he knew how well you can '_handle_' a weapon."

"What do you mean, Gus?" Juliet asked in confusion.

"Remind me to take you to the range sometime, Jules," Shawn said with a chuckle as Gus grinned at him in pride. He yawned suddenly, causing Gus and Juliet to laugh.

"Hey, getting arrested then having to explain the last fifteen years of your life really takes it out of you," Shawn pouted.

"Then let's go home, we can get takeout and watch movies in bed," Juliet said, standing up with a soft smile on her face. Uncertainty flashed across Shawn's face, but before she could say anything he was putting his badge and ID back in the lockbox and heading back over to his desk.

Juliet glanced at Gus as they watched with great curiosity as Shawn opened the bottom right drawer of his desk and lifted the false bottom to replace the lockbox.

"How did I not notice that?" Gus muttered.

"The clutter isn't just there for kicks," Shawn told him with a sly grin.

"How much else do you have hidden in here?" Gus looked around the room incredulously.

"You'll never kn~ow!" Shawn replied in sing song, grabbing the keys to his bike of the desk. He looked at Gus nervously. "Are we...?"

"We're cool, Shawn," Gus reassured him. "Go get your girl."

With one last fist bump, Shawn followed Juliet out of the office in a bounce, pausing on the front steps.

"Meet you back at home?" he asked, holding the keys to his bike.

"Yep, I'll pick up some chinese on the way," Juliet said with a smile and leaned over to give him a smooch. Shawn grinned happily.

"Then I'll be seeing _you_ soon," Shawn said as he pulled on his helmet and got on his Norton.

"Not if I see you first!" Juliet called as she hopped into her car, laughing as she pulled away from the curb.


	3. THREE: Reorienting reality

- **THREE: Reorienting reality**-

True to their word, Juliet and Shawn had spent the rest of the afternoon and evening eating Chicken Kung Pow and watching a marathon of (bad) '80s rom-coms. Eventually Juliet had fallen asleep towards the end of a movie, just before the geek got the girl. Shawn had watched to the end and cleaned up, before crawling back into bed to sleep, completely worn out.

But despite the exhaustion, sleep wouldn't come.

Shawn tried everything to fall asleep, he had even gotten up around one in the morning and pulled out a stack of paperwork he had been dragging his feet about and sat down to do it. Two and a half hours later, he had finished half the stack but wasn't any closer to actually sleeping. Giving up on the idea of getting any rest, he made himself a pot of coffee and got to work on the remainder of the pile.

By the time he finished, it was a little after six, time for his daily jog.

It was stupid, really, that he took the jog so early in the morning. At one point, Shawn had tried to justify it as a precaution against Juliet or anyone else finding out about it, like him jogging was something to hide to begin with. The truth was that, one, he was too lazy to really do any other working out, and two, the daily run was a holdover from his days on the force when he and Kev had taken one every day before their shift.

_Kev..._

Forcing his mind to just shut the hell up, Shawn changed quickly into his workout clothes and put on his running shoes, careful not to wake Juliet up. He zipped his phone into the pocket of his jacket and grabbed a bottle of water before heading out the door.

Desperate not to think about the chaos into which his life had just been thrown, Shawn pushed himself hard, full on running the five miles rather than jogging it as usual. When he finally turned the last corner to return to the apartment, he practically fell to his knees, retching into the gutter.

Usually the morning jog cleared Shawn's mind, but not today. It was as if everything he had tried to escape nearly a decade ago had come right back, rearing its ugly head. And the only thing that ended up being cleared was his stomach of its contents.

Exhausted, now both physically _and_ emotionally, he dragged himself back up to the apartment, taking the stairs so that he had time to collect himself but Juliet was thankfully still asleep when Shawn snuck back into their apartment. He hesitated in the bedroom, watching her sleep for a few minutes before slipping into the bathroom to clean himself up with a quick, icy shower.

All traces of his run, and the vomiting that had followed it, gone, Shawn threw on a dark polo and a pair of jeans. He paced the length of the living room anxiously, running a hand through his hair.

"_It's his choice whether to remain undercover, so to speak, or to return to the force openly."_

Right. Like it was that simple.

If Shawn revealed himself... told everyone that he was actually an LAPD detective, that would mean also explaining he wasn't really a psychic. Which meant he'd probably have to explain how the hell he managed to fake being one in the first place.

Not his idea of a pleasant conversation.

He'd also have to give up Psych and Shawn wasn't sure he could to that. Despite the crazy web of lies upon lies that the last six years had led to, he loved what he did in Santa Barbara and getting to work with his best friend everyday was awesome. It was like he told the Captain, Gus wasn't a cop. So if Shawn went back full time, it meant cutting Gus out of the picture, at least for the most part.

But if he didn't... If Shawn stayed undercover...

It would be the easier choice, actually.

He wouldn't have to lie to Juliet or Gus anymore. No more covert meetings with Karen and the Captain or hiding his other investigations. It wouldn't be the same though, now that they knew the truth. Lassiter wouldn't treat him like a colossal moron... but they'd expect certain things out of him. Things that brought up memories he had tried to leave behind him eight years ago when he handed Breighton his badge and gun.

Shawn cursed under his breath, rubbing his eyes.

It was times like these that he would normally go to the firing range, but his gun was still trapped in the chasm that was the ballistics department.

He glanced at the clock on the microwave with a deep sigh.

7:15 am.

Juliet would be getting up soon.

For a brief moment, he thought about grabbing his keys and heading to the office before she got up, but as if a sign, the bedroom door opened to reveal his half asleep girlfriend.

"Shawn?" she murmured, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "You're already up?"

"Uh, yeah," Shawn stuttered, surprised. "I was just about to make some coffee..." he finished lamely, going over to the coffee maker.

Juliet watched him, frowning in suspicion, then yawned and went to take a shower. As soon as she was gone, Shawn breathed out a sigh of relief and got to work making a fresh pot of coffee, dumping out what was left of the pot he had brewed earlier.

_Get it together, Spencer..._

It was going to be a long day.

Shawn's phone rang as Juliet had stepped out of the bedroom, ready for work and looking for breakfast. He took one glance at the caller ID before stepping away slightly.

"Spencer here," he answered automatically, ignoring the stunned look on Juliet's face.

"_Spence, we need you in here to debrief."_

"Sure, be there ASAP," Shawn said, sighing when he heard the dial tone.

"Who was that?" Juliet asked lightly as Shawn threw on his jacket.

"The Captain," he replied, going over to grab the stack of paperwork he had filled out earlier that morning and stuffed it in a messenger bag. "Gotta go debrief, the usual crap..."

Shawn trailed off, noticing the look on Juliet's face. He set the bag down again and went over to wrap his arms around her waist.

"Don't be a demoted planet, Jules!" he said with a grin before frowning. "Poor Pluto... Anyhoo, don't worry, the only reason I want to get over there is so I can superglue Lassie's phone together before he gets there this morning!" Shawn finished with a devilish grin, earning a chuckle from Juliet.

"Alright, alright," she said with a smile, making Shawn's grin widen. "Do you want to get lunch today?"

"You bet your cute little butt, I do," Shawn said in a husky voice before grimacing dramatically, "That is if the gremlins don't have me." He pulled her closer, eyes wide. "Don't let them get me, Jules!"

Juliet laughed heartily, looping her arms around Shawn's neck to pull him down for a kiss.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," she murmured, smiling fondly. Shawn gave her a noisy kiss on the cheek then released her, grabbing his keys and bag. He waved to her energetically before slipping out the apartment door.

Juliet laughed to herself for a moment, glad that Shawn was still up to his old antics. The smile slipped from her face as she remembered the way he answered the phone.

But just how much of her Shawn was really him?

* * *

"...order your detectives to..."

Shawn ignored the discussion (argument) between Karen and Breighton, leaning to one side in his chair to watch Lassiter enter the bullpen with eager anticipation. He grinned triumphantly when Lassiter sat down at his desk and tried to pick up the handset of his phone, only to have the entire phone lift off the desk. Though he couldn't hear the words, Shawn could clearly read Lassiter's lips as he swore wildly, trying to pull the phone apart.

"I'm glad you're taking this so seriously, Shawn," Karen said archly when Shawn began cackling under his breath. Shawn rolled his eyes and angled his head toward the window, grinning when both Breighton and Karen got up to take a look.

"Ha!" Breighton chuckled, "Got him good!" He glanced at Karen who was doing her best to give Shawn an admonishing look despite her own amusement. Shawn grinned, satisfied with his handiwork, and leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms.

"This really isn't that complicated," he told them, referring to the argument he had interrupted. "Jules and Lassie won't say anything, they know better. And neither will Gus or my dad, they've done just fine keeping a lid on the fake psychic secret for the last six years."

"Shawn, you're oversimplifying the situation," Karen said with a sigh as she sat back down at her desk. Breighton nodded in agreement.

"Am I?" Shawn replied, raising an eyebrow. He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees when neither responded immediately.

"It's pretty simple," he said seriously. "Until I make a decision, things go on as they have before, just with less whining from ol' Lassifrass about my helping on cases. No one will say a word, it'll be fine."

"Spence," Breighton said quietly. "You know this can't go on this way forever. It's already been too long."

Shawn looked away sharply, clenching his jaw.

"You _know_ this was only ever supposed to be short term," the Captain continued. "Logistically, the whole set up is a nightmare. I'm surprised I haven't had someone come down demanding an explanation for keeping you on payroll when you work for Karen. If you at least transferred to the SBPD-"

"There's no way that could be done without people finding out," Shawn interjected.

"I know," Breighton sighed. "But the reality is that this has to end at some point. You can't keep pretending that the past never happened. It's time to deal with it and move on-"

Shawn shot to his feet with a glare and stormed out of the office.

"Great job there, Nick," Karen said dryly. He gave her a cross look.

"He's not going to listen to me," Breighton grumbled. "Spence will just keep his head stuck in the sand until someone forces him to listen to reason. Damn kid is stubborn as all hell."

"Gets it from his father," Karen chuckled then paused, thinking. "Who is probably the only person who'd be able to get Shawn to change his mind..."

Breighton frowned, turning to look at her.

"You want to tell his father?" he asked dubiously.

"God no," Karen shook her head. "Shawn would never forgive that."

"Ah..." Breighton murmured, getting it. "You want to convince _Spence_ to talk to his father about it."

"It's our best bet," Karen said somberly. Breighton snorted.

Getting the Spencer men to talk to each other was like talking a perp into turning himself in...

Next to impossible.

* * *

Shawn took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself as he stalked back and forth down the short hallway past the Chief's office. Breighton had had no right bringing up _that_, telling him to move on. Shawn snorted. And to suggest that he just go ahead and transfer... He'd sooner give up his very nice and shiny LAPD badge then-

"SPENCER!"

Shawn had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that Lassiter's bellow caused him to jump. Whipping around, his hand just beginning to reach for the weapon that wasn't there, Shawn forced himself to relax and adopt an easy smile as the irate detective came stomping over.

"Why Lassie, what's wrong?" Shawn said sweetly. "Is Timmy trapped in a well again?" Lassiter growled at Shawn's mock concerned tone and grabbed him by the collar, yanking the shorter and wildly protesting man back over to his desk.

"Spencer, what did you do to my phone?" Lassiter hissed, releasing Shawn's collar as he shoved him towards the phone. Shawn schooled his expression into one of innocent confusion before straightening and turning around to look at Lassiter with a grimace as he rubbed his abused collar.

"Lassie! There's no need to be so rough!" he whined, inwardly grinning as he actually _heard_ Lassiter grind his teeth. "Now, if you would please calm yourself, the spirits would be happy to help you."

"Spencer," Lassiter ground out, "You know you don't hear the spir-"

A dangerously cold look in Shawn's eyes killed the words in his throat and made Lassiter step back in surprise. It lasted less than a second, then Shawn's expression returned to its usual amused state.

_What was that?_ Lassiter thought to himself in shock.

"I understand you're upset about your phone, Lassie," Shawn said mildly. "But the spirits have little to say about who tampered with it. Understandable, really, after you so rudely abused their favorite _psychic._"

It took Lassiter all of a second to realize the mistake he had almost made. He mentally kicked himself for his carelessness.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in serious need of pancakes," Shawn finished with a grin as he turned on his heel and bounded out of the bullpen, waving hello to a few people on his way out.

"Jules!" Shawn exclaimed happily, practically running into his girlfriend on the steps outside the station.

"Shawn!" Juliet replied with a smile, "Did your mee-"

"Did Lassie enjoy the modifications I made to his phone?" Shawn interrupted smoothly. "You should have seen it, he was shouting my name in joy!"

"I'm not sure it was joy," Juliet chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

"That's where I'm pretty sure you're wrong, Jules," Shawn said with a mischievous smile before looking past her, up the steps to where he just came from. "But the spirits are telling me that I am terribly late for my appointment with a large stack of flappity jacks. Any chance I could convince you to join, my fair lady?" He proffered a hand, wiggling his fingers with a grin.

"I'm sorry, Shawn," she said sadly, "But I'll see you at lunch." Juliet gave him an apologetic peck on the cheek to which he responded with a grin.

"I'll be counting the seconds," Shawn told her with a wink then glanced past her shoulder again. With one last grin, he bounded down the last few steps and over to where his bike was parked. But when he pulled on his helmet, all traces of his smile were gone.

"O'Hara!"

Juliet turned to see her partner coming down the steps, a scowl on his face.

"Carlton? What's wrong?" she asked, frowning in concern.

"Like you don't know all about the prank your boyfriend just pulled," Lassiter muttered darkly. He came to a stop in front of her and watched Shawn drive away on his bike before continuing quietly, "Do you have any idea what he was doing here talking to the Chief and that LAPD Captain?"

Juliet grabbed his arm and tugged him down the steps and off to one side, throwing glance over her shoulder.

"No, not really," she said quickly, keeping her voice low. "He got a call early this morning and rushed out the door."

"He was up?" Lassiter asked, frowning.

"Yeah, I'm not sure he slept," Juliet murmured, concern creeping into her voice. "He took a two inch stack of what looked like paperwork with him too."

"Spencer does paperwork?" Lassiter muttered incredulously, earning a dark look. "Did he say anything about why he was coming in?"

"Just that he had to come in to 'debrief' and 'the usual crap'," Juliet said. "It was so strange, like he was a different person..."

Lassiter nodded as she trailed off, thinking of the look in Shawn's eyes earlier when he had almost slipped up.

"Do you want me to do some digging? Find out more about Spencer and the LAPD?" Lassiter asked gently. Juliet hesitated, then shook her head.

"No," she said softly. "I trust Shawn and no matter what happened, he deserves the to be the one to explain..."

_...if he ever does._

Lassiter nodded, understanding even the part she didn't say.

* * *

If Shawn had been bothered earlier that day, he made no indication of it at lunch, much to Juliet's relief and confusion. In fact, it was almost as if the previous day hadn't happened and he was still just the lovable goofball psychic of the Santa Barbara Police Department.

_But he isn't..._ Juliet thought morosely as she sipped at her smoothie while they walked the length of the boardwalk after lunch.

She glanced at Shawn, who was silently sipping his own smoothie, his mind miles away despite the way he swung their intertwined hands back and forth. It was moments like these that, while she had noticed them before, hadn't really thought much of them until now.

Until she knew better.

All those times she (and Lassiter) had scolded Shawn for being immature ("Don't be an idiot, Spencer") in the first few years after Psych started... at some point they had given way to the small moments of intense concentration and seriousness that took Juliet's breath away. She had fallen in love with Shawn partially for those moments. It was like getting a peek at the dark side of the moon.

Juliet never really considered the possibility that there was an entirely different side to Shawn she hadn't seen, one that was hidden by the obnoxious, fun Shawn they normally saw.

Yesterday, while she and Gus had waited at the Psych office for Shawn to return from the station, Gus had told her about the first time they had come up against Yang. At the time, she, like many others, had been both surprised and annoyed by Shawn, and then Gus', flippancy.

"_...I was mad at him too, I yelled at him," Gus said, a far off look on his face. "At the restaurant and he made that joke about breakfast foods not getting enough respect, I yelled at him."_

"_Everyone was stressed out, Gus..." Juliet said gently, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. Gus shook his head._

"_You don't understand, I've been Shawn's best friend for forever," he said incredulously. "I _knew_ Shawn can be serious. He can be almost scary when he gets all serious and intense..." _

_He trailed off, remembering something else._

"_But he wasn't being serious then, he just kept making those stupid jokes," Gus said irritably. "When I yelled at him, he told me that he was doing it just to keep himself from freaking out..."_

"_Oh," Juliet blinked, "That makes sense."_

"_Of course it does," Gus stated smartly, thumbing his nose. "People don't realize that jokes are how Shawn deals with stressful situations." _

_He paused._

"_But, what if it wasn't just that?" he murmured, his brow furrowing. "What if he did it so people wouldn't see what he really was?"_

"_How much did my best friend lie to me?" Gus whispered brokenly._

_Juliet looked at him in alarm._

"_I don't know, Gus..." she murmured, shaken. "I just don't know..."_

That was the million dollar question: how much _had_ Shawn lied to them while protecting his secret?

Juliet wasn't sure she wanted to find out.

"Jules?"

She looked up from where she had been frowning at the boardwalk to see Shawn's concerned face. He glanced around them for a moment then pulled her off to the side and down some steps into a park like area, tossing the remainder of his pineapple smoothie out in a nearby trashcan.

"What's wrong?" he murmured, his gaze intense on her as they stood next to a tree, hidden from view. Juliet's mouth went dry as she tried to come up with an answer.

When she didn't respond, Shawn pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back against the trunk of the tree. He let his head roll back to lay against the bark with a long sigh.

"If you want to..." he trailed off, closing his eyes tiredly. "If this is too much and you want out.."

"No!" Juliet exclaimed, dropping her smoothie cup to grip Shawn's shoulders. His eyes flew open as he lifted his head to look at her in confusion.

"No," she repeated in a whisper, shaking her head. "It's not that..."

"Then what is it?" Shawn asked, frowning. Juliet bit her lip, looking down in shame.

"I... just don't know where-"

"The lies ended? What parts were real and what parts were just the cover?" Shawn supplied, his voice flat. When she nodded, looking up at him again earnestly, his eyes slid away to stare at some birds in the distance.

"The psychic stuff was fake," he stated without emotion. "The visions were all an act. You can ask Gus about that, sometimes we planned them ahead of time."

Juliet waited with bated breath for him to continue.

"I'm not sure what else you need to know," Shawn finished, meeting her eyes again, brow furrowed.

She wanted more than anything to tell him, to ask him if the man she had fallen in love with, the goofy, warm, earnest, wonderful man she loved was really him. If it was real or just an act. But as she opened her mouth, his phone rang.

"You should answer that," Juliet whispered when he just ignored it, letting it ring.

"No," Shawn replied seriously, his eyes not leaving hers. She looked away first, reaching out to pluck the phone from his pocket to answer it herself. Shawn caught her wrist, frowning as he searched her face for a moment before pulling his phone out of his pocket himself.

"You have reached the voicemail box of Shawn Spencer," he answered in a falsetto, grinning when the person on the other end yelled something angrily. "Oh Dad! Funny hearing from you, Jules and I were just having an argument on whether your shirts could be considered a crime against humanity..."

Juliet watched as Shawn pushed himself away from the tree to casually stroll as he spoke to his father, grin on his face and one hand in his pocket. She cursed herself for chickening out and jumping at the distraction of the phone call, but seeing Shawn converse with his father so normally (for them at least) was a relief.

Shawn pulled the phone away from his ear, grinning like an idiot, when Henry yelled loud enough that Juliet could almost understand the words from ten feet away. He gave her a thumbs up then put the phone back to his ear once the yelling had died down. Juliet smiled as he ended the call with a big flourish and ambled back over to her.

"Guess what, Jules!" Shawn said excitedly, grabbing her hands to pull her to him.

"What?" Juliet chuckled, wrapping her arms around his waist loosely as he did the same.

"I got Dad to order me to clean out the attic," he whispered in her ear conspiratorially, grinning when she wrinkled her nose.

"You've never wanted to do that before..." she said, confused.

"True, but it's never gotten me out of paperwork before," Shawn exclaimed happily, pumping a fist in the air in triumph. He caught the way her smile seemed a little forced, but chose not to comment on it. Shawn instead scooped Juliet up, throwing her over his shoulder in a fireman's hold.

"S-Shawn!" Juliet gasped through her laughter. "Put me down!" She cried, slapping his back.

"No way, Jose!" Shawn cried with a grin, carefully jogging back to where Juliet had parked her car, laughing all the way.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to put up the next chapter on here, I've been working my ass off on the rest of the story (just started ch 29) and have been posting it on PsychFic but I seriously despise FFN right now so I keep forgetting to upload it here. _ FFN does all this annoying crap to my formatting, it's a pain.

**If you really like this story, I highly suggest going over to www. psychfic (dotcom) /viewuser. php?uid=2252 (my profile on PsychFic) to read it. THE FIRST TWENTY SIX CHAPTERS HAVE ALREADY BEEN POSTED.**

**If the link is still having issues, there will be a link to my PsychFic profile on my FFN profile, so you can use that instead  
**

SERIOUSLY, go read it there. There's a LOT more psych stories on PsychFic AND I have the ability to respond to your reviews there :) Which is good, because I usually give spoilers and stuff away. OH YEAH, each chapter also has a teaser for the next one. I cannot guarantee that I'll keep updating YWHOAOU on any regular schedule here, but I update regularly on PsychFic.

**So PLEASE go to PsychFic .com and read this story there. PLEASE. I feel so bad that you guys were waiting on here for chapter three when I just posted chapter 26 on PF a few days ago :(**

**And btw, if you do pop over to PF to read it, let me know in a review and I'll give you a shoutout in chapter 27 :D  
**


	4. FOUR: Once more without feeling

- **FOUR: Once more without feeling** -

"The spirits! They tell me that a crime has been committed here!"

Lassiter groaned, closing his eyes in annoyance at Shawn's proclamation, announcing his presence. Juliet smiled to herself in spite of her partner.

"Really, Spencer?" Lassiter asked sarcastically as Shawn sauntered over to join them in front of a nice one story house. "What gave it away? The crime scene tape?"

"Actually, it was the Chief calling me," Shawn murmured to them seriously, before leaning back and crying out, hand to his temple, "NO! It was the spirits! Crying out that a poor soul has been murdered here!"

"Hey Shawn!"

He grinned at Buzz and waved enthusiastically to the tall officer, completely missing the look exchanged between the two detectives.

"Shawn," Juliet said, drawing his attention back. "The Chief called you in?"

"Yep!" Shawn said jovially, "She thought we could use some quality bonding time."

"Spencer..." Lassiter said, looking uncomfortable. "When we go in there-" Shawn cut him off by slinging an arm around the detective's shoulders and pulling him a few feet away, their backs to Juliet.

"Lassie, Lassie, Lassie," Shawn said with a smile. He tightened his arm around Lassiter's shoulders when he tried pulling away. The smile vanished from Shawn's face as he continued in a hushed tone, "Look man, I have had a serious heart to heart with everyone from my dad to the chick at the smoothie shop in the last twenty four hours."

He smiled tightly at Lassiter.

"Let's not ruin what we have by getting all touchy feely," Shawn said, his voice hard. "When we're around other people, I'll keep pretending to be the psychic and you just keep on being all annoyed by it. But as soon as we're out of earshot, I'll cut the crap, okay?"

Lassiter blinked at him then scowled.

"Fine," he growled. "Now let me go before I shoot you." Shawn immediately released him with a grin. He gave Lassiter a nod of thanks before turning around and trotting back over to Juliet.

"Let's go, Lassie!" Shawn called over his shoulder. He winked at Juliet and ducked under the crime scene tape to walk into the house. Luckily, no one was inside other than the dead body, allowing Shawn to concentrate on the crime scene.

He heard Juliet and Lassiter follow him into the room, stopping at the doorway, but didn't look over. Carefully walking around the room, his eyes scrutinized the scene, cataloguing details rapidly. Shawn crouched by the body, frowning slightly in concentration. His eyes flicked around the room then back again.

Juliet watched in fascination when Shawn abruptly stood up again and crossed the room to examine the wall of photos. By the time he turned around to face them, it had been several minutes and Shawn hadn't said a word other than what he had muttered under his breath to himself. Juliet snuck a glance at Lassiter and bit her lip to keep from grinning at the stunned look on his face.

"Let me guess, you guys are thinking robbery gone bad," Shawn said simply, his expression unreadable. Lassiter narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Yes. The victim, Melinda Walker," Lassiter replied, reading from his notepad, "age 38, housewife, was home alone. The burglar most likely entered via the window while Walker was in the kitchen and was surprised when she walked out." Lassiter pointed to the smashed glass of water on the floor by the doorway leading towards the kitchen. "Single gunshot to the chest. The killer panicked and ran out the front door."

Shawn didn't reply for a moment after Lassiter finished, his eyes scanning over the scene again. He walked over to carefully pick up a piece of the smashed glass and sniff silently. Juliet wondered to herself when he had put on a pair of latex gloves. Frowning, Shawn crossed the room to consider the open front door before turning around to look down the hallway leading to the rest of the house.

Finally he smiled and turned back to them.

"That theory is both boring... _and_ wrong," Shawn told them with a grin.

"What?" Lassiter sputtered.

"Shawn, what do you mean?" Juliet asked with a frown. Shawn took a deep breath, serious again.

"First, this wasn't a robbery," Shawn stated, walking over to the window. "It looksas if the window was broken from the outside because it was. But there's no way someone could have reached both latches to unlock the window and open it." He pointed to where a pane of glass was broken on one corner of the window as Juliet and Lassiter walked over to join him.

"I'll be damned," Lassiter muttered. Shawn was right, the latches were too far apart for someone to reach in through the broken pane to get the far latch.

"Secondly," Shawn continued evenly, as he walked over to where a single wine glass was sitting on a side table, a little wine still in it. "She wasn't alone."

"She could have gotten up to get a glass of water while drinking her wine, Shawn," Juliet argued.

"True," Shawn nodded. "But the lipstick on the rim is the wrong color."

Lassiter picked up the wine glass and crouched down next to the body to compare the lipstick colors. He glanced at Juliet, his eyebrows raised. She nodded back, confirming that they indeed were not a match.

"You were right, though," Shawn conceded. "Melinda _was _surprised. But that was from the drug that was slipped into her water while she wasn't looking." He held out the piece of broken glass in his hand for the detectives to smell.

"Chloroform?" Juliet gasped in surprise, pulling back from the lingering sweet smell. Shawn nodded seriously.

"I've seen it done before. Just a few drops into a glass of water, if done right, will knock someone out without killing them," he told them grimly. "It also explains the cuts and scratches on her back and legs from where she fell on the broken glass after passing out."

Lassiter and Juliet watched in amazement as Shawn went on.

"The assailant probably hadn't expected Melinda to be standing when she was drinking and ended up dragging her over here to the rug," Shawn pointed at some smaller pieces of glass that had been pulled towards the body, indicating it had been dragged through them. "Then she shot Melinda using one of the pillows from the couch to muffle the noise."

Shawn nodded towards the couch that was missing a pillow then picked up a few fibers from the pillow batting that were on the victim's sweater.

"Why would she want to muffle the sound?" Lassiter asked.

"Because, my dear Lassie," Shawn smiled slightly, "Melinda Walker was shot long before she died. She probably died of internal bleeding from the small caliber bullet, unable to get help because she was still passed out thanks to the chloroform..."

"Giving the killer time to stage the break in and get away," Juliet finished. Shawn nodded at her. "But who killed her?"

"Ah, the mistress."

"The mistress?" Lassiter repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"Specifically, _Mrs._ Walker's mistress," Shawn continued, earning stunned looks from the detectives. He pointed to a smudge on Melinda's neck. "A bit of lipstick here..."

He stood up and crossed over to the wall of photos and pointed to one of Melinda and a dark haired woman, their arms around each other.

"And that seems a little more than platonic," Shawn said dryly, indicating the subtle placement of Melinda's hand on the woman's butt. "Notice the majority of the pictures are of the two of them while the wedding photos have been taken down."

"How can you tell the wedding photos have been taken down?" Juliet asked. Shawn pointed at three different photos along the wall.

"All the other photos are aligned, except these three, meaning Melinda hadn't taken the time fix the hangers after replacing the pictures with differently sized ones. That the ones removed were wedding photos is just a hunch."

"This sounds all well and good, but we can't be sure that this woman is the killer," Lassiter said tersely, clearly uncomfortable.

"Other than the fact that the woman wears the same color lipstick in every picture, which just happens to match the lipstick on the glass," Shawn replied evenly, "there's the long dark hair caught in Melinda's necklace. Just get a warrant for DNA to check against the glass and look for evidence of the pillow and the gun."

Shawn stooped to set the piece of glass back down again and pulled off his gloves.

"Pretty straightforward. Motive was that Melinda wanted to be with her mistress and was going to tell her husband," he said with a nod. "Oh, and she didn't leave out the front. She ran out the back, there's a scuff mark from a pair of brown heels from when she dashed down the hallway. Melinda's wearing black flats."

"So," Shawn said mildly, standing up again. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked from Lassiter to Juliet. "Just imagine less explanation and a lot more flailing about and that's how I'd have done this two days ago."

"Any questions?" Shawn asked with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Both detectives shook their heads. "Great!" he exclaimed and clapped his hands, rubbing them together. Glancing at his watch, he grinned. "Gus should be finished with his route soon, so if you guys don't need anything else..."

"We're good," Lassiter bit off.

"Fantabulous!" Shawn cried, pulling out his phone to dial a number. "Gus! It's jerk chicken time!" He glanced at Juliet on his way out the door, wiggling his fingers in a wave goodbye. She stared after him, stunned, listening to him chat excitedly on the phone with his best friend until he was too far away to hear.

"O'Hara?" Lassiter said after they heard the sound of the Norton driving away. Juliet blinked and turned to her partner.

"What is it, Carlton?"

"Are you alright?" Lassiter asked awkwardly. She nodded slightly.

"Just a little overwhelmed."

"No kidding," Lassiter snorted then sighed.

"Seeing him actually explain how he did it..." Juliet murmured.

"It was almost easier to believe when he said he was psychic," Lassiter finished for her. Juliet looked at him in surprise but Lassiter avoided her gaze, glancing around the scene grimly.

"Well, let's go find 'the mistress'," he sighed, heading for the door. Juliet nodded, swallowing hard before she followed him outside.

* * *

-Y-W-H-O-A-O-U-

* * *

They managed to close the case in one day with Shawn's help. The mistress, Suzanne York, folded ten minutes into Lassiter's interrogation, giving up everything. DNA, murder weapon, and signed confession: it was a slam dunk.

When Juliet had gotten home late that evening, tired but pleased, Shawn was nowhere to be found in the apartment. Ignoring the fear that crept up her throat when she couldn't find him, Juliet pulled out her phone and called Shawn.

"Shawn?" she asked when he picked up.

"_Juliet?"_

Juliet tried to calm the panic that ran through her when Gus answered instead.

"Gus? Why are you answering Shawn's phone?" she asked nervously, grabbing her things to head to the door, ready to leave again if need be.

"_Oh, Shawn fell asleep on the couch in the middle of playing Super Smash Bro's," _Gus replied evenly. Juliet let out a relieved laugh.

"Oh thank goodness," she murmured. "I don't think he got any sleep last night."

"_Well, that would explain a lot..."_ Gus said thoughtfully. _"Do you want me to wake him up and send him home?"_

"No, no that's alright," Juliet said quickly. "Just let him sleep."

"_Alright,"_ Gus paused. _"I think I'll stick around and keep an eye on him..."_

"Are you sure?" Juliet asked with a frown. "Is there-"

"_There's nothing wrong,"_ Gus was quick to reassure her. _"I just... I don't know..."_

Juliet smiled softly as she set her keys and bag back down on the counter.

"I understand, Gus," she told him. "Just make sure to get some sleep yourself, I'll see you in the morning."

"_I will, talk to you later, Juliet."_

"Oh Gus!" Juliet said before he hung up. "Thanks for keeping an eye on him."

There was a pause.

"_No problem, Juliet. Sleep well," _Gus replied. Juliet murmured a goodbye and set the phone down on the counter, going to get something to drink.

She did understand why Gus was staying despite the lack of need. In a matter of a few hours, Shawn had become a stranger to them, someone more capable and mature than he had been the day before. It was nice to feel like they could still do something for him, even if it wasn't necessary.

Juliet just didn't know if one day Shawn would realize he didn't need them at all.

* * *

-Y-W-H-O-A-O-U-

* * *

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**


	5. FIVE: Double life strife

-**FIVE: Double life strife**-

* * *

.

After three weeks of questions and suspicious looks and distrust, Shawn was officially sick and tired of it all. He wanted nothing more than rewind back to that day with Novich and leave his Kimber 1911 in the lockbox that morning.

No gun.

No arrest.

No daily cross examination. No glances of betrayal and worry. No exchanges of looks when they thought he wasn't looking. No whispered conversations about him when they thought he couldn't hear.

No questions he wouldn't... _couldn't_ answer.

Shawn was surprised that the whole station didn't already know about him, given the way everyone was going on about it. Sure, he and Gus were still consulting on cases and he still played the 'psychic' in front of the public but...

He glared mutely at the bottle of beer in his hand at the sound of his father in the kitchen. Gus and Juliet were in there, he supposed. Probably talking about him again. Same old, same old.

It was ridiculous.

Just two days ago, Shawn had come by his father's house to pick up the jacket he had forgotten after dinner last week and discovered Henry having a long talk with Lassiter in the kitchen.

_Lassiter._

Even the salt and peppered head detective was in on the gossiping. Shawn rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. If Lassie was talking to his dad about him, the world had completely turned upside down. The problem was, Shawn was pretty sure that it was his world that had gotten messed up, not theirs.

"Maybe I should go back to LA..." Shawn murmured to himself.

It wasn't a half bad idea.

He was pretty sure that even after what had happened, and having been gone for eight years, the LAPD would be less bothered by his return than his friends here in Santa Barbara were about finding out he was a detective. And if it meant Shawn could make it through the day without having to prove he was still the same person... it would certainly be a lot easier.

Except he'd have to be a cop.

A cop with a gun and a partner.

Shawn nearly dropped the bottle he was holding when the smell of the beer wafted up and reminded him of things he'd rather not remember.

Things that were the reason he couldn't go back to LA.

Setting the mostly full beer bottle on the railing, Shawn glanced back at the kitchen door before heading down the steps, towards the beach. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he walked briskly down towards the water, ignoring the sand that was getting into his sneakers. Shawn sucked in a deep breath of the salty air, savoring it.

LA never smelled like salty ocean breezes. It smelled like pollution and the sweat of millions of people crammed into a city going about their day. It was noisy, and busy, and exciting.

He missed it.

All of it.

Shawn sighed heavily as he along the beach, his shoes leaving tracks in the wet sand. The twice weekly calls from the Captain were starting to get to him, wearing him down to the point where he might just actually give in and tell them the truth... Shawn chuckled ruefully. If they were already having problems with him having a badge, then how would they possibly handle the truth?

Without thinking about it, Shawn stepped off the beach made his way along the old pier, careful to avoid the weaker spots and sat down at the edge. He let out a sigh, his back against a post and one leg dangled off the edge as he stared at the sunset. It looked like it was throwing itself into the ocean.

Cocking his head to the side, a smile flitted across Shawn's face.

Maybe that's what he needed too.

Rising to his feet, Shawn glanced down the beach to make sure it was relatively empty before pulling off his t-shirt as he toed off his socks and shoes. He didn't have a swimsuit on, so his shorts would have to do. A little salt water wouldn't hurt them. Careful to empty his pockets, he tucked his keys and phone into one of his shoes. Then with a grin, Shawn took a running leap and dove into the ocean.

The water was dark and cold and exhilarating, reminding him of the first of the many times he had come out to the old pier when he was a kid, then even more so as a teen. Anyone else would have thought it crazy to swim in the ocean at night, but for Shawn it had always been therapeutic. Even now, as he lazily tread water and watched the last of the sun dip below the horizon, it washed away all the stress the last few weeks had brought.

When Shawn eventually swam back to the edge of the pier and pulled himself up the ladder at the end, he felt the most relaxed he had in ages. Even the thought of the walk back to his dad's wearing his cold, wet shorts couldn't shake the content smile on his face. Pulling his t-shirt over his still wet torso, Shawn grabbed his shoes and socks, tucking the phone and keys in a little better before heading back.

The only thought he had his entire walk back to Henry's house was that walking on the beach was much more enjoyable barefoot.

As Shawn turned onto the path that led from the beach to his dad's house, he heard someone shout his name. Looking up, he frowned when he saw Gus running down the path towards him.

"Shawn! Where have you been?" Gus demanded as he approached, slowing when he was a few feet away to frown at Shawn's wet clothing.

"Took a swim," Shawn shrugged. Gus' eyes bugged out as they walked back to the deck where Henry and Juliet were waiting.

"You went swimming at night? In the ocean?" Gus cried.

"Shawn, that's really dangerous," Juliet echoed, coming over as soon as they were on the deck to check him over worriedly. Shawn rolled his eyes.

"C'mon guys, it's not that dangerous," he said, going over to set his shoes and socks on a chair, his back to them. "I think if I can handle being outed as an undercover cop in the middle of a major drug bust, I can handle a little water."

Shawn swore under his breath and closed his eyes in frustration when he heard them go absolutely still behind him.

Great. The swim had made him a little _too_ relaxed and he had forgotten who he was talking to.

"_What_ was that about a drug bust?" Henry asked softly, the tightness of his voice briefly made Shawn consider running for it.

_No_. He was tired of this.

"My third year on the force," Shawn began with a sigh, turning around to lean back against one of the railings. "I was given an undercover assignment to infiltrate a gang that led the meth trade in LA."

Shawn stared past them to the ocean as he spoke, not really wanting to see their expressions.

"A couple of days before the big bust, a rookie just out of the academy accidentally mentioned it while at a bar, blowing my cover."

"Oh my god..." Juliet murmured at the same time his father cursed softly.

Shawn blinked, turning to look at Juliet then Henry. Both had the same look of frustration and concern that those who had worked undercover understood. Gus just stared, open mouthed.

"Anyway, it turned out for the best," Shawn went on with a shrug. "Ended up getting more than we thought, plus with the additional charges..."

"How bad were you hurt?" Juliet whispered, understanding that he meant the charges of assaulting an officer and (she swallowed hard) attempted murder.

"Not that bad," Shawn said vaguely. He couldn't help the slight wince as he recalled the week in the hospital after the bust. Kev and the Captain had really torn that rookie a new one...

_Kev..._

Suddenly, Shawn was very aware of how wet and cold he was. Not to mention exhausted. Clearing his throat, he blinked hard and pushed himself away from the railing.

"I'm, uh, going to go grab some dry clothes and a towel," he said, his voice a little rough. Shawn crossed the deck in three quick strides, avoiding the stares, and went into the house.

Juliet ignored Henry's warning to give Shawn space and followed her boyfriend inside. If it hadn't been for the slight trail of sand from Shawn's feet, she might have thought he disappeared into thin air instead of slipping upstairs. Making no effort to conceal herself, Juliet walked up the stairs to Shawn's old bedroom, but despite her noisy arrival Shawn didn't seem to notice.

A lump formed in Juliet's throat at the way he sat on the bed, towel wrapped around his waist, his wet hair hanging limply into his eyes as he stared off into space, lost in thought. She watched him for a moment before knocking on the doorframe.

"Jules," Shawn murmured in surprise, turning to look at her.

"You alright?" Juliet asked quietly, coming over to sit next to him on the bed, wrapping an arm around his back. He relaxed after a moment, a soft smile on his face.

"Yeah, I'm good," Shawn replied. "A little wet, though." He chuckled and reached up to squeeze some water out of his hair. Juliet just smiled and laid her head against his damp shoulder.

_Old Spice, pineapple, and salt..._ Juliet thought to herself. Add a little tequila and he'd smell like a margarita.

"What?" Shawn asked in confusion when she grinned. Juliet just shook her head, not willing to tell him her silly thought.

"Fine, be a spoilsport," he pouted, getting up to grab an old pair of sweatpants and a pair of boxers from the dresser. Juliet laughed when he turned to stick his tongue out at her. She got up and went to close the door so Shawn could change, blushing when he leered at her.

"Shawn this is your dad's house," Juliet hissed, trying hard not to laugh as the color drained from his face.

"Thanks a lot..." Shawn grumbled, dropping the towel on the floor so he could get changed out of his wet shorts. Smiling indulgently, Juliet grabbed a small towel that was sitting on the dresser and walked over to wrap it around his head, gently toweling his head dry. Shawn let out a sigh of contentment, then chuckled.

"I feel like a dog."

"At least you smell better," Juliet quipped then blushed as she remembered her thought from earlier. Shawn's eyes narrowed predatorily.

"What?" he asked with a devious grin, placing his hands on her hips so she couldn't pull away. "Tell me what's so funny."

"Nu uh," Juliet shook her head, trying to squirm out of his grasp. Shawn's grin widened as he held her tighter, his arms slipping around her back to hold her to him firmly.

"Shawn," she whined, "You're getting me all wet."

Juliet flushed in mortification as Shawn's grin practically split his face in half.

"Tell me or I won't let go," he whispered in her ear then waited as Juliet fought valiantly not to give in for a few seconds, then gave up with a groan.

"Fine," she muttered, her face turned away from his. "You smell like a pineapple margarita."

Shawn laughed.

"Thirsty?" he asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Shawn!" Juliet hissed, slapping his chest. He let her go, rubbing the spot with a pout. "Now get changed while I go convince your father to let us take some of that banana creme pie home."

Shawn immediately perked up, giving her a mock salute.

"Yes, ma'am!"

Juliet chuckled and slipped out the bedroom door, making sure to close it firmly behind her before heading downstairs. Gus and Henry were talking quietly in the kitchen, their voices low and tense.

"Juliet," Gus said, noticing her. He glanced upstairs then lowered his voice again, "Is Shawn okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't he be?" Juliet replied with a frown. Henry gave her a look.

"That's the most he's mentioned in weeks about his time in LA," Henry said seriously. Juliet sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Unless he's said something to you..." Gus ventured, crossing his arms.

"No, I don't know any more than you two," Juliet said quietly with a shake of her head. "And as much as I want to know, maybe it would be better if we just gave him a little time to work through things..."

Gus nodded in agreement.

"He doesn't need anymore time," Henry growled, his face contorted into a scowl of frustration. "He's had eight years to-"

"Dad!" Shawn snapped angrily.

All three whipped around to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs, his wet shorts balled in a white knuckled hand as he glared mutely at his father. Juliet glanced at Gus, exchanging a look of shame.

"Let's go, Jules."

Juliet jumped, her eyes widening in surprise. She nodded and opened her mouth to respond, but Shawn had already brushed by them to walk out the kitchen door. With a deep sigh, Juliet turned to Gus and Henry.

"I'm sorry, I'll see you both tomorrow," Juliet said weakly.

"Have a good night, Juliet," Gus replied with a slight smile. Juliet smiled back before turning to Henry.

"Thank you for dinner, it was wonderful."

Henry's face softened as he let out a small sigh.

"You're welcome any time, Juliet. Just..." he trailed off, glancing towards the door. Juliet gave him a sad smile.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he's alright," Juliet promised with a nod then picked up her purse off the kitchen table and walked out the door. She bit her lip nervously as she walked towards where her car was parked, drawing a deep breath when she spotted Shawn leaning against it, his arms crossed against his chest.

"Shawn..."

"Let's just go home," Shawn sighed. Juliet nodded and unlocked the car so they could get in.

As they drove away, Shawn just stared out at the ocean without a word.

.

* * *

-Y-W-H-O-A-O-U-

* * *

.

Juliet glanced anxiously at Shawn's back where he stood looking out of one of the windows, listening to Lassiter explain their latest case. It had been over a week since the ill-fated dinner at Henry's and Shawn's mood had hardly improved. While he was still friendly and talkative, his heart didn't seem in it and when not in the company of strangers, Shawn seemed withdrawn.

It hadn't helped when Breighton began calling a few days ago, making Shawn so agitated he had disappeared to what Juliet guessed was the shooting range for a few hours. The smell of gunpowder had clung to him when he returned late that night. Since then, the Captain had called once or twice a day, every day.

And each day, Shawn had become more distant.

"O'Hara..." Lassiter murmured, making Juliet jump. She turned to see him looking at her with concerned eyes, frowning as he glanced at Shawn as well.

"Shawn?" Juliet called softly.

Shawn turned from the window, his face belying the lack of sleep he'd had that week. Wordlessly, he came over and held a hand out, accepting the file with a grateful nod. Juliet snuck a glance at where Gus was standing, looking awkward and worried. She gave him a small reassuring smile while Shawn leafed through the file.

"It's the brother-in-law," Shawn said tiredly, handing the file back to Lassiter. The head detective frowned and flipped it open, trying to see what Shawn had.

"Mr. Spencer!"

All four turned when they heard the Chief's voice, then watched as Shawn and Karen shared a silent conversation. The Chief tilted her head towards her office then nodded slightly when Shawn narrowed his eyes slightly in question. With a nod, Shawn turned back towards them.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he told them quietly. "Gus, why don't you go with Lassie and Jules to talk to the brother in law?"

"Are you going to come?" Gus asked, a frown on his face. Shawn considered it for a moment, then shook his head.

"No, you guys go ahead, this might take a while," Shawn replied. He gave Lassiter a nod, probably communicating something along the lines of 'take care of Gus', Lassiter returned it with a grim look in his eyes. Shawn's hand caught Juliet's, giving it a slight squeeze before he disappeared into the Chief's office, where the blinds were already drawn.

Juliet, Lassiter, and Gus all exchanged an apprehensive look.

.

* * *

-Y-W-H-O-A-O-U-

* * *

.

When they had returned from questioning the brother-in-law, who had, of course, committed the murder and ended up confessing in a rage, Shawn was still sequestered in the Chief's office. Around noon, they caught the Chief on her way out to lunch and asked about Shawn. Karen had apologized, telling them that Shawn would be busy for the rest of the day and suggested that Gus head home.

That evening, Juliet ended up meeting Gus for dinner after Shawn had texted that he wasn't done yet. They had done their best not to be concerned, but ended up eating their burgers in a tense silence. Juliet had promised Gus to let him know what was going on as soon as she found out, then headed home to wait with a pint of ice cream and a couple of affectionate cats.

The sound of a key in the lock startled Juliet from her thoughts and she turned to look at the door, gently shoving a cat off her lap so she could move towards where her weapon was sitting on the table. She let out a soft laugh, sighing in relief when she saw Shawn walk through the door.

"Shawn!" Juliet cried happily as he locked the door behind him. Shawn turned his head in surprise, smiling tiredly at her.

"Hey Jules," he replied, dropping his messenger bag on the counter to cross the room and pull her into his arms.

"Shawn?" Juliet whispered worriedly at the way he seemed to cling to her. Shawn didn't respond, burying a hand in her hair instead, tilting it back so he could kiss her.

The kiss was deep... almost desperate.

Juliet pulled away with a frown, looking up at Shawn but his eyes were closed.

"Shawn," she murmured, raising a hand to his cheek. "What's going on?" He sighed and leaned his head forward to press his forehead against hers.

"I have to go away for a few weeks," he admitted in a tired voice. Juliet's eyes widened as she jerked her head back in surprise.

"What? What's going on? Are you in danger?" The questions tumbled out in a rush.

"It's not..." Shawn shook his head, opening his eyes. "It's not that."

He paused, clearly torn.

"I have a case."

"A case?" Juliet repeated in confusion. Shawn nodded. "As in..."

"It's an undercover case, Jules," he said, his voice rough with emotion.

"What?" Juliet said shakily, pulling away. He let her go, shoving his hands into his pockets uncomfortably. "I thought you..."

"The Captain wouldn't take no for an answer," Shawn replied, "That's what he's been calling about for the last few days."

"Oh," Juliet said, stunned. She blinked at him as her mind sorted through the new information.

"How long?" she whispered, her eyes meeting his. "How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know," Shawn whispered back, his voice raw with emotion. "It looks like a few weeks, at most a couple of months."

"And when you say you have to leave..." Juliet said slowly.

"No contact," he confirmed, his voice cracking slightly.

"Okay..." she said shakily, "When do you..."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Juliet gasped. Shawn nodded. "I don't... "

"The Chief is taking care of everything," he said, sounding exhausted. "Tonight, let's just..."

Juliet nodded jerkily, tears springing in her eyes. She held out a hand and he took it with a grateful smile, letting her lead him to bed. After spending the last twelve hours in prep for the undercover operation, Shawn wanted nothing more than to not think about it for the last few hours he had left with Juliet.

.

* * *

-Y-W-H-O-A-O-U-

* * *

.

It had taken a great deal of restraint for Shawn not to throw his phone at the wall when the alarm went off the next morning. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to leave Juliet.

But he had a job to do.

A job that was going to be tough more than just because he wouldn't be able to see anyone for the duration of the operation. It would be tough because it was really the first time in over eight years he had gone undercover, not counting Psych. Which he didn't. If the Captain, and then Karen, hadn't been so damn adamant about absolutely needing Shawn's help, he would've told them to go to hell.

_Again_.

But while he was in the shower it crossed his mind that maybe this was exactly what he needed. Shawn wasn't oblivious to the funk he had been in for the last week (something he had apologized to Juliet repeatedly for the night before). He needed to do _something_ to keep from losing his mind or his temper. So maybe the case was what would get his head on straight.

Shawn just wished that it didn't mean he'd be leaving Juliet on her own. Not that she couldn't handle herself, it was just that...

He sighed as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

Kev's marriage had been destroyed by the job, even though Shawn had tried to help by taking more and more of the cases so that Kev could be with his family. But maybe that's what did it at the end, Shawn had been rarely around, undercover pretty much the entire time that last year...

Shawn shook his head sharply in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts. The last thing he needed right now was to be thinking about _that_.

He made his way over to the bed once he was dressed, sitting down on Juliet's side to lean over and brush a kiss over her lips.

"Mmm...Shawn?" Juliet murmured sleepily against his mouth. Shawn smiled sadly, pulling away slightly to brush the hair away from her face as she blinked awake.

"Morning, beautiful," he murmured back.

"What're you-" Juliet's eyes flicked down, widening when she noticed he was fully dressed. A sob caught in her throat as she remembered where he was going that day.

"Hey, hey, don't worry," Shawn said with a small smile. "You know me, things will be just fine."

"Shawn," Juliet replied, giving him a hard look as she sat up. "That's exactly why I'm worried." He chuckled wryly to himself, running a hand over his mouth.

"I guess I deserve that," he said dryly before meeting her eyes again, serious. "Jules, I know I can be an idiot who gets himself into some stupid situations-"

He rolled his eyes when she snorted.

"But," Shawn continued, his voice solemn. "I _am_ good at my job and I will be doing the best damn job I can do to make sure I get right back here safe and sound as soon as possible, alright?"

Juliet swallowed hard but nodded, tears pricking in her eyes again. He smiled sadly at her.

"I'm going to go make some coffee before I go," he told her as he stood up from the bed. Juliet watched him walk out of the room before she got out of bed and wrapped her bathrobe around herself tightly.

Shawn was at the counter, setting the coffee maker up to run when Juliet came out of the bedroom and walked over to slip her arms around him from behind. She pressed her face against his back, arms wrapped tight around his waist. Shawn smiled absently to himself, rubbing one of her hands with his own as he started the coffee maker.

"You know that if something happens... if you need to reach me, you can talk to Karen or the Captain, right?" Shawn asked quietly. "They'll get me the message."

Juliet nodded against his back but said nothing. He let them stay like that for a minute until he glanced at the clock. Realizing he would have to leave in just a few minutes, Shawn turned around in Juliet's embrace.

"Jules..." he choked out.

She raised her face to meet his anguished eyes with her own, then he crushed her to him, claiming her mouth. It was rushed and intense, leaving both struggling to catch their breath as they clung to each other.

"I need to go," Shawn said hoarsely.

Juliet nodded weakly and stepped back, letting him slip by her to collect his messenger bag and badge, clipping his concealed holster into place after checking his weapon. Shawn's eyes lifted to meet Juliet's again from across the room and nodded solemnly. She met him by the door, pulling him down for another kiss.

"You better take care of yourself, Shawn Spencer," Juliet said fiercely, looking him in the eyes. "If you don't, I'll give Carlton permission to shoot you."

Shawn's eyes widened in panic.

"You wouldn't..."

"I would," she confirmed with a nod before they both broke into wide grins, their eyes damp. "I mean it though, be careful."

"I will, I promise," Shawn murmured, cupping her cheek in his hand, brushing a thumb along her cheekbone. Juliet leaned into the touch.

"I love you, Shawn," she whispered.

"I love you too, Jules," he whispered back, blinking hard. Shawn gave her a weak smile, "I'll be back in no time, driving Lassie nuts and enjoying the sweet deliciousness that is pineapple, just you wait."

Juliet gave a watery laugh.

"Always," she promised.

With one last kiss, Shawn left, giving her one last wave as he walked down the hall. As soon as Juliet closed and locked the door behind him, she fell back hard against it, pressing a hand against her mouth to keep herself from sobbing.

It was just a case.

It was just a few weeks.

She _knew_ better than to be upset.

But Juliet couldn't help the fear that overwhelmed her at the thought of Shawn out there, deep cover, for weeks on end. Maybe it was because she was still adjusting to the idea of her lovable, silly Shawn being a cop...

She gave in, letting herself break down for the moment. Juliet slid down the door, crumpling into sobs. She knew why she was so scared. It was the same reason she got scared any time Gus called her saying they needed backup.

It meant that Shawn was out there alone.

And this time, there was absolutely nothing she could do to protect him.

.

.

* * *

-Y-W-H-O-A-O-U-

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**Please visit PsychFic . com to read all 26 chapters currently uploaded. :) This story is likely going on hiatus here on FFN.**


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